Full steam ahead?
Venting tends to get a bad rap, given that it’s associated with anger and negative energy. But mental health experts believe it’s also necessary — as long as it’s done right.
“Venting is what I call letting out the steam, because, by definition, it’s a physics term where you have pressure in a system, so you let it out,” psychiatrist Dr. Judith Jones told The Post.
“The problem with just venting alone is that, yeah, it feels good immediately, but it doesn’t create solutions. And also, when you vent to the wrong person, you’re just transferring the stress onto another individual.”
That’s why, in her new book “High Functioning,” she provides a simple cheat sheet — a venting etiquette manual, if you will — that outlines the “do’s and don’ts” of venting.
Do ask first
“When you do vent, you want to ask for consent,” she said.
That means no ambush-ranting to your barista, your dog walker or the coworker who made the mistake of asking, “How’s it going?”
Don’t emotionally dump
Dr. Judith warns against what she calls “chop-a-dump” behavior — unloading your emotional baggage without checking if the other person can actually handle it.
Don’t burden your kids
“You want to be mindful of the power hierarchy, so you don’t want to necessarily vent to people who are considered in a lower power dynamic than you,” she said.
That includes your children, even if they say they want to help.
“Your kids will listen to you, but they’re going to be worried about you when you leave the room,” she said.
“Even if they say, ‘Oh, I want to hear you,’ they may want to feel close to you,” she added, “but what you’re doing is you’re creating stress for them because they worry about you.”
Or your employees…
Even if you’re friends, it’s important to keep in mind that there’s a power hierarchy there too.
“You don’t necessarily want to traumatize employees because they have to answer to you. They don’t want to be fired by the boss,” she pointed out.
Do check yourself before you wreck someone else
“You want to make sure that you’re in a state where you’re not just unloading and telling everyone your business,” Dr. Judith advised.
“You want to consider whether or not, in that moment, you’re regulated.”
Do try settling down first
In other words, take a beat. Breathe. Go for a walk. Scream into a pillow. Whatever helps.
“You may want to do some of the grounding techniques in my book before you choose one or two people that you can trust,” she said.
So yes, complaining can be cathartic, but like a good spa day, venting needs to come with safety protocols.
Your stress isn’t toxic — until you pass it on.