movie review
SNOW WHITE
<br>Running time: 109 minutes. Rated PG (violence, some peril, thematic elements and brief rude humor). In theaters.
Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the laziest of them all?
That’d be Disney, the creativity-starved studio that has seemingly lost all ability or inclination to make new hits and would rather rifle through its back catalog instead.
This time, the House of Mouse has gone all the way back — to its first full-length feature film, 1937’s “Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.” The result? Heigh-ho-hum.
The timeless classic, a groundbreaking achievement for animation, has been turned into another pointless and awkward live-action automaton that vanishes from your mind the second it’s over.
Modernizing the lovably retro “Snow White” was a dopey idea to begin with, and, while the execution isn’t horrible, the formulaic update is sleepy. I can’t wait for all the emails calling me grumpy. I’ll whistle while I work!
The original was charming as a prince, with a wholesome and relatively modest story that’s mostly household chores and dancing.
For 2025, director Marc Webb and writer Erin Cressida Wilson have puffed it up into Disney’s usual contemporary romance featuring a dusting of action and a jab of empowerment.
In this version, the evil queen (Gal Gadot) not only torments her fairest-of-em-all stepdaughter (Rachel Zegler) she so envies, but is an oppressive monarch who’s forced all of her male subjects to become soldiers.
The formerly lovely village was technicolor when Snow’s beloved parents were alive, but ever since the mean queen rolled in, it’s grayscale — like “Pleasantville.”
So, Snow White can’t just ride off into the sunset with her man at the end anymore. She needs to wake up and save the kingdom from the vain witch.
Zegler adds a hint of edge to sweet Snow, and has a nice pop voice that’s different from what we heard in “West Side Story.” I certainly prefer her as a Disney princess than a Shakespearean actor.
And ideally-cast Gadot is more fun than you’d expect as the beautiful narcissist and apple-clutching old lady. She finds more personality in those parts than she ever did in “Wonder Woman.”
Prince Charming, a small role in the cartoon, gets the hook. Instead, Snow’s love interest is a pauper. He’s plain-Jane Jonathan (Broadway’s Andrew Burnap), a Robin Hood-style thief who heads up a group that opposes the villainous ruler.
Unlike 1937 when the duo didn’t, um, speak to each other, Snow and Jonathan flirt in the woods and duet on a silly song called “Princess Problems.”
No crown, of course, means no “Some Day My Prince Will Come.” The pretty melody is missed. But don’t worry, the movie is not so 2025 that Snow White’s revived by true love’s handshake.
The worst thing about “Snow White,” unbelievably, are the dwarves. The dwarves!
In an out-of-their-mind choice, Disney has animated the septet of miners into creepy lawn gnomes. Ostensibly people, the guys look more fake than the smiling squirrels and birds in the forest.
The filmmakers obviously had no clue how to handle Snow’s cottage pals, so they took the most off-putting path possible. And their jokes are never funny.
Redeeming all the mediocrity around it is the catchy music. The original only had seven songs — and some are very old-fashioned — so “Dear Evan Hansen” and “Greatest Showman” songwriters Benj Pasek and Justin Paul have written new ones for the movie, alongside “Whistle While You Work” and “Heigh-Ho.”
Snow’s big ballad, “Waiting On A Wish,” is the best Diz tune since “How Far I’ll Go” from “Moana.”
But my wish is that their compositions had been used in a totally new movie-musical, rather than a perfunctory retread.
In The Post’s review of the 1937 film, critic Archer Winsten correctly wrote, “Its release marks a new epoch for the color and sound cartoon.”
In 2025, I say, its release marks another unnecessary live-action remake that’s not as good as the original.