This article is one of the winning submissions from the New York Post Scholars Contest, presented by Command Education.
Remember when youth sports meant fun and teamwork…not a reality TV brawl? These days there is often more action on the sidelines than between the lines, and it is time for a drastic change.
While playing in the Dallas Cup, a high-level youth soccer tournament, a disagreement on the sideline over a vuvuzela erupted into a battle royale. We played on as fathers were literally handcuffed to golf carts as police waited for backup. It was real-life chaos, and it was as disturbing as it was ridiculous. But this wasn’t a one-off spectacle; it’s part of a disturbing trend that’s taken over youth sports.
At a tournament in Denmark, a parent flipped out over his kid’s playing time, verbally threatening the coach at halftime. He was then seen filling his pockets with rocks and stones, presumably to throw at the coach. And after the final whistle blew, players were forced to physically restrain the father who was choking the coach. Danish tournament officials, so stunned by the events, didn’t even check in on the safety of the players.
Sadly, these are just two of many such experiences I have had while playing soccer. When parents cross the line from supportive fan to harmful provocateur, the very benefits of youth sports—teamwork, resilience and enjoyment—are lost. Instead, young athletes are left disillusioned, and, in the worst cases, pushed away from sports and athletics altogether. It is hard to focus on the game and build comradery with your teammates when your father is handcuffed to a golf cart or being restrained from choking the coach by fellow players!
What’s fueling this toxic nonsense? Researchers noted in 1995 that heightened competitiveness and commercialization of youth sports had led to a more pressurized environment. Parents increasingly viewed their children’s sporting success as a reflection of their own status and aspirations. This led to more aggressive, overinvolved behavior on the sidelines. Youth sports participants know intuitively that the situation has gotten worse, so much so, that it is difficult to find a sufficient number of referees. In a 2023 survey of 36,000 referees, 69% say that sportsmanship is getting worse with 50% feeling unsafe.
The introduction of NIL money makes the backdrop even bleaker. Delusional parents, once aiming for college scholarships or pro contracts, now see a path to an earlier payday. The result? Further intensifying competition. Parents are demanding faster success from their children. And they are working overtime to manufacture the likeness, if not the reality, of success on social media in a zero-sum battle for eyeballs. The outcome is a far cry from building a love for the game.
Unfortunately, this pressure cooker environment is resulting in fewer athletes sticking with their sports. A six-year longitudinal study showed that only 39% of high school seniors participated in organized sports versus 90% in seventh and eighth grades. And what of the joy stripped from the sport for those that continue playing?
It’s time to stand up for change. Youth sports should be about the kids and building our school community, not the parents’ egos.
Here’s a two-part game plan to clean up the act:
First, parents must sign a pledge: Pingry provides a clear set of guidelines for parental behavior at sporting events in the Athletic Handbook. However, the governing body of the high school sport (NJSIAA in the case of our soccer program) should require parents at all schools to sign a contract regarding their behavior as spectators and fans. The contract should detail the benefits of youth sports, the harm caused by toxic sideline behavior, a clear code of conduct and the consequences of breaking the commitment. I think that the contract should be tied to their child’s participation in the sport. No contract, no participation.
Next, there should be zero tolerance accountability: A signed pledge will accomplish little without real consequences. Any infraction should result in the expulsion of the parent from the premises and the loss of playing time for the child. In soccer terms, if a parent gets a red card, the student athlete should as well. Repeated infractions should result in permanent expulsion from the sidelines, with even harsher penalties, up to and including removal of the child from the team, if necessary. Referees and coaches need to be empowered to enforce these consequences.
When a tiger parent risks missing their child’s game, the message is crystal clear. At the Dallas Cup, the handcuffed fathers strained necks to watch the rest of their children’s games from their incarcerated position. However, when a parent risks their child’s playing time, the message is truly unmistakable. In Denmark, the parent that choked the coach later begged the coach to allow his son to continue playing in the tournament. The children’s standing on the team is likely the one thing we can put on the line that the worst parents will respond to.
Enough is enough. The only battles in youth sports should be on the field. Let’s return to prioritizing kids over the egos of parents.
A 9th-grader at The Pingry School in Bernards Township, NJ, Marturano dreams of a career in sports management.