No one wants to hear these words from a significant other.
Dating expert Louanne Ward warned that a simple phrase could be a glaring red flag that signals trouble in paradise.
“When somebody says, ‘I don’t want to hurt you,’ what they’re really saying is they believe you have more feelings for them than what they have for you,” she said, per the Daily Mail, calling it a “warning, not reassurance.”
“It means they’re not fully invested, they know you care more than they do and they’re laying the groundwork to excuse their future bad behavior.”
She claimed that the alarming phrase, veiled as care and concern, has nothing to do with “sparing your feelings.” Rather, “it’s about sparing their guilt,” Ward explained.
“If someone warns you, listen carefully and protect your heart,” she advised.
“The simple fact is, if somebody doesn’t see you as a potential long-term partner and doesn’t have strong enough feelings for you, they can see that they can potentially hurt you,” Ward said.
“They don’t have to feel guilty about it because they warned you,” she added.
Instead, when you hear “I don’t want to hurt you,” Ward recommended rethinking the relationship “because this person is going to end up hurting you if you stay where you are.”
If a breakup does happen, don’t get discouraged when it comes to dating. If and when you’re ready to get back into the game, Ward revealed her three-second hack for instantly becoming more attractive, because she said most people are “killing their own attraction powers without even realizing it.”
She calls this the “pause and hold” method, which involves pausing before speaking instead of rushing into a conversation. “Most people never use this because silence feels uncomfortable,” Ward said.
Rushing into a connection or conversation can be seen as an “attraction blocker,” according to Ward. Holding eye contact while pausing “makes people lean in,” she added.
“Hold eye contact before looking away. Pause before responding to a question,” Ward advised. “Let a moment breathe instead of rushing to fill it.”
This method is successful because it shows confidence and builds connection.
“The moment you learn to own it, you change the way people see you forever. And this is just one small piece of what makes attraction effortless,” added Ward.